Dude, (I call all my friend’s dude, don’t worry.) I’m not going to lie, being engaged is extremely hard. You just said “Yes!” to the man of your dreams who you love with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Now, you get to plan out your perfect Pinterest wedding with all the finest details and everybody gives you a ton of attention, parties, gifts, and bliss. But, I can not stress it enough, being engaged is hard.
The Devil hates, hates, hates marriages. Especially strong, God-honoring marriages. So now that he sees you and your fiance are planning to get married and glorify God with your marriage, he is going to do everything in his power to destroy your union. This is not meant to scare you, but I do want to be realistic with this post. I promised from the beginning of writing that I would be honest, vulnerable, and helpful in every way I can be. Know right now, I am praying for you and your soon-to-be husband and I wish you all the best. I am immensely excited for every woman that is in this stage because I remember what it was like to be in their shoes.
I remember waking up in those days after being proposed to and just feeling a rush of every detail of the wedding flooding into my mind. It was hard to focus on much else. There were decorations, the dress, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the venue, the cake, the photographer, the food, etc. The list goes on and on. And I don’t know about you, but I can be a bit of a perfectionist. To the point where it almost consumes me. I caused a lot of mine and Ethan’s unnecessary stress. So I wanted to talk in this blog about healthy ways to help you and your fiance stay excited for the big day all while trying to maintain your sanity.
Go To Pre-Marital Counseling.
Pre-Marital Counseling is awesome. You get to pick out a couple that you’ve seen working hard on their marriage since their wedding day. Then you get to pick at their brain for all the knowledge they have to share with you.
Girlfriend, when you go to pre-marital counseling, you have to be open and honest. Do it one-hundred percent, or don’t do it at all. You need to find a couple that you will have no problem sharing embarrassing details with and then be honest with them. If you want to have a one on one with just the wife, that’s probably a good idea. Your fiance can also do the same with the husband. Sit down and talk to her about your life, tell her some of your struggles, where you’re coming from as a woman. Then when all four of you get together, they will have a deeper understanding of who you both are as individuals and as a couple.
Ask every question you can think of. You can never have enough insight. Figure out what has and hasn’t worked for them. Take notes about what you’ve talked about with them. Pray about every discussion and then communicate your own personal thoughts one on one with your fiance. You can also go to other married women in your church and ask them to get coffee sometime. It will bless you to hear advice and encouragement from another woman who has been where you have been and it will bless her by knowing she is edifying your future marriage.
Surround Yourself With People Who Are Willing To Help.
You should not plan your whole wedding by yourself. You will probably lose your mind. My advice to you is to not be afraid to ask people to use their gifts to help you out. If you have a friend who is supernaturally organized and level-headed, ask them to help you coordinate everything, because it will be hectic. If somebody you know is great at photography or making really cute decorations from scratch, talk to them and see if they’d be willing to help you out. Don’t use them, but utilize them and then boast about how good they are at what they do.
Ask your bridesmaids, your mom, your future MIL (mother-in-law), or your fiance for their opinions on different aspects of the wedding. Don’t ask though if you don’t actually want it. Communicating with all of them is a great way to keep them involved in the wedding process. Ask your mom and future MIL to help with the guest list. It’s a really great project to give them so that you don’t have to worry about it. You also don’t have to be the one handling every single phone call to every single vendor. Trust me, your friends and family will be more than pleased to help you. When you delegate people to help you, it benefits you by not causing mental stress from having too much to do or having to remember every single, small detail. It also benefits them because they feel like they are being effective and helping the bride not to worry. Look over what you have left to get done and try to see if there’s anything somebody could help you accomplish.
(Pro tip: Keep a DETAILED planner on you always. Write down what time, where and with who you have a cake tasting, dress fitting, engagement photos, or anything for that matter. Then have your Maid of Honor send you a reminder so you don’t forget and you stay on schedule! I also used “The Knot” app on my phone to keep me on track to make sure I had a certain task done in a specific week. Super cool!)
Get Excited About Sex With Your Soon-To-Be Husband!
Sex is good! It’s a great thing actually! Your engagement is the time of your life when you begin to prepare for sex with one person but you can’t engage in it yet. However, you still need to have conversations. It’s awkward I know, but it’s still crucial. Nobody likes to be thrown into the lion’s den empty handed with no knowledge of what to do or how to handle it. I suggest having these conversations 4-6 weeks before the big day.
What kind of birth control method will you be using? Are one of you allergic to latex? Are you considering using lubrication? Lube is helpful to you on those nights that he might be ready right then but your body still needs some warming up. I would suggest using coconut oil because it lasts longer, is cheaper, and has a similar feeling to yourself. Don’t feel obligated to use it though if you don’t need it!
Share in your enthusiasm, flirt with each other and have fun with it. Just don’t be pulled into acting on those thoughts. Be attracted to him and know that in a few short months you will both be each other’s only sexual outlet. That might terrify you, and that’s OKAY! It terrified me too. It terrified me to think all the years that I tried to push down my temptation and hold it back would all of a sudden just cease. And then out of the blue, you are now allowed to have sex, something that has been taboo and highly frowned upon outside of a Godly marriage. Start embracing it now. It’ll make it so much easier to see that it is good, and no longer a sinful act.
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4 NIV. Start falling in love right now with the idea that you will belong to each other and it will be pleasing to God!
Make Sure You’re Preparing To Be A Wife More Than You’re Preparing To Be A Bride.
Another way to put it: Are you focusing more on wedding planning than you are focusing on becoming a great wife to your soon-to-be husband?
I personally struggled with this a ton. I got so excited and overwhelmed all at once with all the details that I forgot the purpose behind having a wedding in the first place. It’s great to want to have an amazing and flawless day. But the cost of disregarding your personal development as a wife can be vast. Start to invest in your marriage before it even begins. Your fiance is counting on you to be the representation of Christ submissive qualities in your marriage. It is up to you to make the decision to put in the effort of developing a bond that screams that.
It’s very easy to get caught up in the excitement of wedding bliss. To go day after day concentrating on tangible tasks that are right in front of you rather than trying to correct that which needs attention in your own spirit and heart. However, I want to encourage you to look past how difficult it might be and see that it will be the most rewarding accomplishment you ever achieve. Going to college, raising children, all pale in comparison to the importance of your marriage. You have to start devoting the time you have now to pour into your marriage that is soon approaching.
Be a sponge and take in all the wisdom that other Godly married women have to offer. Read Christian books or articles on marriage and sex, then communicate what you’ve read to your fiance. My husband and I recommend “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller. It’s a very realistic and amazing book! PRAY A TON. Pray with your fiance, on your own, while you’re at work, while you’re driving, all the time! Develop a strong prayer life, even in this fast-paced and chaotic season of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 NIV, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
Marriage is certainly hard, which I’m sure enough people have told you that by now. However, by staying committed to continuously improving your relationship with your future spouse, your marriage could become your greatest testimony of God’s faithfulness in your lives. Let The Holy Spirit work in your heart and mind to eliminate all thoughts of self-doubt and selfishness. But don’t wait till you are actually married to put what you know is essential of a wife into action. It will make your engagement much less stressful. It shows your fiance that you are committed to what’s coming the moment after you say “I do”. That’s why he is marrying you, he sees your potential in becoming a God-fearing wife that is a prayer warrior, gets excited about worshipping the Lord, fights alongside her husband, and is not complacent in her relationship with Christ.
Well, this is my advice to you engaged woman. I hope this helps you. I pray this encourages you to never stop loving your husband and working towards something greater. I pray that you go deeper and love harder and worship the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Don’t ever feel like you have to become the perfect wife because that doesn’t exist. However, always be striving for greatness even while you are engaged. And take in every moment you can because it goes so fast. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it truly does. I am praying for you and your fiance, I hope you’ll invite me to the wedding because I love them!
Colossians 3:12-14 NIV, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
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