This is going to be a cliche opener, are you ready for it? Here we go:
Almost every young girls dream to is to find her Prince Charming, have a marvelous wedding day focused around her, and then live out their dream marriage till death do they part. That’s how I remember spending my childhood at least. I would think about being the most unique and beautiful bride there ever was. I thought about my perfect dress, with the perfect hair, with the perfect guy, and not a single flaw throughout the day. Then, just as any young girl does, I grew up. I went through life looking out more for guys than I did God. My teenage years were full of self-esteem issues, a broken heart time and time again, and constantly searching for something to fill this empty void in myself. Man, if only I could go back in time to have a conversation with my thirteen year old self, I would! I’m sure most of us would. Unfortunately, that is something we are just not able to do.
However, what I can do, what we all can do, is pour encouragement and life in to other young women who are single, dating, engaged, or even married. In fact, that is part of our biblical duty as wives and mothers, according to Titus 2:4-5 NIV “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” So with that being said, I want to take my next several blogs to speak to each woman in every possible stage of relationships; singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage. As I’m sure you can tell, this post is solely to all our single ladies out there. In the next paragraphs, I will be sharing with you all the information I wish seasoned women would have shared with me when I was single. Not just when I was thirteen either, but at any age.
First thing first, Stop viewing singleness as a bad thing.
I truly wish I could go back in time and relive out the years I was single. I spent way too much time looking for a boyfriend and not enough time focusing on who God was calling me to be. Now this might not be the case for some of you, I never like being categorized so I try my hardest not to make statements that every single woman is just like the other. However, I know more women than not have gone through a rough point in their lives where all they wanted was to find a man when they really should have been seeking out The Lord. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 NIV ” Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Now does this mean marriage is bad? No, God created marriage to glorify Him. He loves seeing marriages living out the Gospel, demonstrating Jesus to the world. After all, we as the church are referred to as “The Bride” and He is our “Bridegroom” awaiting for His return.
Our main focus coming in to this world should not be to have a husband or wife, pop out some kids, settle into a retirement plan, then live out the rest of your days in a rocking chair on your front porch till you end up in a coffin. God’s desire for our lives is to devote ourselves to Him entirely. Matthew 5:16 ESV “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” This verse includes the part of your life when you are single as well. I know you have probably heard this, but singleness is the part of your life when you can develop who you are as an individual and who you are in Christ. When you are in a relationship, whether it be dating or marriage, you no longer have yourself to consider. You now always have a person that you are personally called to love, serve, and challenge more than anybody else.
So single woman, stop comparing yourself to your friend who has a boyfriend when you don’t. Stop seeing yourself as “incomplete” because you haven’t found “the one whom your soul loves”. Stop focusing more on what your Pinterest board full of wedding day ideas looks like and more on your daily devotions. You are a Daughter of The One True King and He has appointed you to something higher than just waiting for Mr. Right. I know that this is easier said than done but here is a really cool verse I came across recently. Matthew 19:26 NIV, “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” God is supposed to be our sole proprietor of our strength, joy, and love. Spend these moments in your life running full sprint after Jesus, your Savior, embracing every single blessing He has ahead of you. The deeper you fall in love with Him, the easier it’ll become for you to find and love the man He has been preparing you for this entire time.
Learn to Rid Your Self of Your Self.
I mentioned this above, but when you are in a relationship, you are no longer just considering yourself. You now make decisions based on what you and this person agree upon together even if you don’t get what you want. That can sometimes be a challenge for us as women, because God has designed us to submit to our husbands and we don’t always like being told no, am I right? 😉 However, this is our biblical priviledge as wives. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church and wives are called to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-23). But looking back at verse 21, everybody is called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ! Another example of this is Philippians 2:3-4 ESV, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
When you are single, you worry about your bills, your car, your house, your education, and your future plans. Take your days of single-dom seeking how The Lord can use you to consider others better than yourself. It can be something as simple as opening the door for a person at Starbucks when you are rushing to get to work in the morning. If you’re at family dinner, or church picnic, get your plate last even if that triple layer double fudge chocolate cake looks to die for! *********Strive for more though and let The Holy Spirit gently guide you to those who need somebody to reach out to them today. Getting rid of our selfishness and pride before entering a relationship creates a really healthy environment for two people who are constantly working to fulfill each others needs instead of focusing on their own. When each person in a relationship strives to meet the others needs, both people feel loved and taken care of without having to worry about themselves. Practice this not only in your romantic relationships, but also in your relationships with your friends, families, and individuals that aren’t necessarily your favorite. Then see how The Holy Spirit begins to change your heart for the better.
Show Me The Money.
Growing up, I was a hard worker. I had my first job working at Subway when I was sixteen and from then on out, I always had a job. Alas, I never learned the importance of being a good steward. I loved shopping and having nice things. One of my love languages is gift giving is that gives you any insight. Therefore, if you are anything like myself, then you also need to hear this. Start a savings account now. Stop spending so much money on things you do not need. I wish somebody would have smacked me hard with this information when I was younger. Sure, my parents always encouraged me to save my money, but I never had a person explain to me the importance of saving, especially when you are married.
If you are daydreaming today when you are single about that amazing wedding and honeymoon you plan on having someday, start saving your money now. Having a decent savings account is one of the most attractive things to a man, because he can then see that you are frugal. He also doesn’t have to panic when figuring out how to pay for an extravagant wedding after he just bought you that gorgeous ring on your finger! But we can talk more about that in the engagement post.
Also realize, that your money is not your own. Sure, you’re the one working for it at your 9-5 job, but really everything belongs to God according to 1 Chronicles 29:12 “Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.” Simply put, God owns you, your possessions, your money, and everything under the sun. If God spoke to you and told you to tithe twenty percent rather than your usual ten percent, are you going to be financially and faithfully ready to do that? As a single woman, learn to organize your finances before you conjoin your finances with another persons.
Last but far from least, Your Purity.
“Abigail, why would you tell me to work on my purity when I don’t even have a boyfriend?” I can’t stress this enough; just because you aren’t in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have impure thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” BAM! So every time you go workout at Planet Fitness to see that cute guy with the nice arms and the dreamy eyes, you better make sure your heart is in the right place before you ask for his number.
Remember that song our Sunday school teachers sang in class, “Oh, be careful little eyes what you see?” That is my point here. The Devil likes to creep in and tempt us with all these thoughts and ideas that certainly do not belong to Christ. He tells us “Oh, it’s really not that bad.” or “What can it hurt?” However, it can be that bad. This can include pornographic images, looking at another man with lust, or letting some guy talk you in to doing something that you’re not comfortable with.
Your purity is more precious to God, and someday your future husband, than you might ever know. On your wedding day, you will have the chance to go to your husband, present your special gift to this one man and say “I have kept this my whole life until now, just for you.” Now, just think about the reaction on his face when you tell him that. The joy and the celebration you will have together will be incredible. And it all started when you were single making the decision to remain pure.
“My purity is already gone and I see no point in trying to regain it. I’m too far gone.” First of all, God’s grace knows no depths. When Jesus went to the Cross, He didn’t say “I’ll die for all sins, except for this, this, and this.” No, He was tortured, beaten, mocked, scorned, and crucified for every single sin that we lay at His beautiful feet. He loves you that much. Second of all, no matter how far you may have walked away from God, He is always there for you. You are never too far gone for our Savior. It doesn’t matter what sins you have committed, Jesus tells the world, “Her, right there. Yes, I see what she has done, but my blood covers it and her debts are now paid.” No longer, do you have to consider yourself broken or mistreated, Christ has now made you a new creation through Himself.
I know it is not always easy, but it certainly is rewarding. Here are some tips on remaining pure:
- Draw your strength from God when you feel you have none.
- Accept that today’s purity is not yesterday’s failure. Every day is another chance to do better.
- Have high standards.
- Have impactful boundaries. You aren’t in a relationship, so take a ton of time before making a commitment to anything.
- Don’t go anywhere with a guy alone.
- Find somebody to hold you accountable.
- If you struggle with porn or lust, have conversations with another woman of God you trust who will be bold and brutally honest with you till it is all gone.
With all of this being said, I personally think you are awesome. So does Jesus. Remember, these posts are to remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and Christ loves you a ton. Just because your friend found her soulmate before you does not mean He loves you less. Take this time to reflect on what Christ has for you. Pour all of your energy in to Christ magnifying you towards becoming the best version of you. Become that Warrior Bride you are called to be.
If you have any more advice or feedback you would give to a woman that is single, comment below or send me an email at email@example.com.
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